She Would be Nine

Nine.

Nine years ago, I got the job I never knew I always wanted, but was soon to realize it was the only thing I’d ever been truly good at. Nine years ago this very morning in the wee hours, I became mommy. And not just any mommy. Kate Olivia’s mommy. I was blessed with five extra weeks of her beautiful, sweet, calm soul and I’ve been counting my lucky stars ever since.

She’s now had more birthdays in heaven than here with us. I don’t even know what a 9 year old looks like. It hurts so much to miss her, particularly on days we should be doing nothing but celebrating her WITH her. It’s so easy to become overwhelmed with unimaginable sadness, but it’s also so easy to find JOY because SHE WAS BORN. She was mine and I got to be mommy to Kate Olivia.

Today, I’m going to try be more like her. I’m going to find the joy. Lord knows she always did. I’m going to smile through the tears. She did that, too. I’m going to remember that the day she was born changed my life and gave me purpose. Because SHE WAS BORN.

Happy birthday in Heaven, my beautiful girl. I love you so much. I miss you. Best friends forever. I promise.

“There’s a light that you give me when I’m in shadow. Tthere’s a feeling you give me, an everglow…”

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