Kate’s favorite holiday was Halloween.
Personal Facebook pages prompt us…”what’s on your mind?” Tonight, for me, it’s this.
On this day last year, we met up with (most of) the rest of my family at Disney World for Kate’s last night of her MAW trip. It was Mickey’s Not so Scary Halloween Party and through all of the rides, the meetings with princesses, the trick or treating and the candy…at the end of the night, when asked what her favorite part of the WHOLE week was, Kate replied…”seeing my family!”
That night also happened to be our 7th wedding anniversary. Today is our 8th. Michael Rhoades, I just love you wholeheartedly. Completely and utterly. You’ve given me the best years of my whole life, and the greatest gift of our girl.
Many people plan fancy dinners and events for their anniversary. But my favorite? My favorite was this hot dog & tootsie roll dinner one year ago tonight with our best girl in the happiest place on earth.
Mike, I love you all the way to Kate and back.
One year ago, my perfect little family was packed up and heading to bed early. Our limo would arrive the next morning and we would be whisked away to Disney World. We went to bed that night tucked in with Minnie Mouse jammies and so looking forward to what would become a week of the most magical, wonderful days of our lives. I can’t even express how happy and hopeful we were this time last year. I very distinctly remember my head hitting the pillow and smiling. My exact thought was “I have looked forward to this since I found out I was having a little girl.”
One year ago Kate was quivering with excitement over who she would meet first…Simba, Aladdin, Rapunzel, Cinderella or countless others. She would ride her very first park ride, eat ice cream any ‘ole time she wanted and would learn all about the magic that is Disney. It was our only vacation as a family of three and I was already planning our next trip back. I remember thinking on that one day, I could simply burst from the happiness I felt. I could feel myself breathe deeply for the first time in years. If I could have bottled up that day…oh if only.
Three months later…on this exact day, the hope…the happiness…the magic all died with her. Nine months ago, my baby left this life for her next and nothing has been or ever will be the same.
I know that had she lived, what awaited her meant pain, sadness, fear and misery for her. Yet since she died, what has followed has been pain, sadness, fear and misery for us. I know she is at peace, she is whole, she is healthy. She is happy. But us? All of that left with her.
Oh, just take me back…take me back to this day, one year ago. But you? You are free, my angel. You are free.
When I miss her most, it’s just HER that I crave. Her sweet, sweet nature. Her voice. Her silly games and laugh. The funny things she said and the every day aspects of being “mommy.” I miss being needed, being wanted and being her everything. I miss my former daily life, even as mundane as bath time and errands. I miss our adventures and I absolutely miss our holiday traditions and the fun ways we would lead up to them. I miss brushing her hair and helping her learn to do things for herself. I miss her toys and collections and I miss how she’d make our coffee in the mornings or help me make smoothies.