Kate has had an incredibly large impact on my life. She provides me with a sense of calm, passion, and perserverance; things I historically struggled with.
When I get tired and feel overwhelmed, I remember how tired she was during treatment and that cuddling on the couch with her mamma made her happy. So I take to my couch and cuddle. When life gets busy, I am reminded to look for the little joys and embrace them. Often baking with my girls and talking about “our Kate” as they call her.
My heart lights up to see Kate’s photo or the Kate’s Cause logo pop up in my notifications, knowing I will have a chance to share her story and honor her memory. When shopping, I often find things Kate would love and purchase them for my girls or to donate to the children’s hospital in her memory. We have dinosaur salt & pepper shakers and a dino cookie jar, both purchased at moments like this.
When I feel helpless in the fight against childhood cancer I donate platelets which are used to treat leukemia patients at Inova. I visit her often; I stop by on random days when I am in the area, on rainy days when all is quiet and still, and on warm sunny spring days. I leave feeling peaceful and connected to her.
She makes me a better person, a better friend, a better mother daily. She makes the world a better place.
Thank you Kate! Love you always!
March 3, 2019 1:27pm
I’ve spent less time in here. Have you noticed? I feel like I should have more…or maybe better things to say besides how much I miss you. But here, among your things and your bed and your sweet clothes, it’s the only feeling I have besides how much I love you. Is that okay? That nothing more interesting or profound comes to mind? Nothing more earth shattering?
Funny isn’t it? That I say that? Feels pretty profound and earth shattering to me. Maybe only to me and those who love you. But that feels like enough to make the Earth stop moving. But it hasn’t. And I’m still not sure how.
I miss you. And I love you. And I have no way to tell you, so I say it out loud every day. I think I speak to you all day, every day, don’t I? I don’t even know anymore because I don’t think I ever stopped. I think you are around me like the air.
I am terrified of forgetting you. Your unique “you-ness.” Your smell. Your touch. Your weight. The feel of your breath. But how could I, really? Here, in your room, I remember it all. It hurts so much, but it feels so right. Necessary. Because it’s you, and the pain AND the love I feel for you are all I have left of you. What else can I do but say I love you and I miss you every day?
Love and miss you I do, my girl. Love and miss you, I do.