March 3, 2019 1:27pm
I’ve spent less time in here. Have you noticed? I feel like I should have more…or maybe better things to say besides how much I miss you. But here, among your things and your bed and your sweet clothes, it’s the only feeling I have besides how much I love you. Is that okay? That nothing more interesting or profound comes to mind? Nothing more earth shattering?
Funny isn’t it? That I say that? Feels pretty profound and earth shattering to me. Maybe only to me and those who love you. But that feels like enough to make the Earth stop moving. But it hasn’t. And I’m still not sure how.
I miss you. And I love you. And I have no way to tell you, so I say it out loud every day. I think I speak to you all day, every day, don’t I? I don’t even know anymore because I don’t think I ever stopped. I think you are around me like the air.
I am terrified of forgetting you. Your unique “you-ness.” Your smell. Your touch. Your weight. The feel of your breath. But how could I, really? Here, in your room, I remember it all. It hurts so much, but it feels so right. Necessary. Because it’s you, and the pain AND the love I feel for you are all I have left of you. What else can I do but say I love you and I miss you every day?
Love and miss you I do, my girl. Love and miss you, I do.