Like all parents, something significant changed inside me the day I became a mother. Nothing else seemed to matter and she was all I wanted…all I craved. When Kate got sick, our relationship took on an entirely new level of love. My mothering felt like it had this entirely new level of purpose and sense of importance.
When I say that I would race home at the end of a work day, I mean that. I would get annoyed that the elevator from the 17th floor took too long. I would get frustrated at cars driving too slow in front of me. I’d be groaning outloud at the light that stayed red just a second too long. I needed to get HOME to her.
Mike & I went out on dates, sure. But not all that often. It had to be a pretty special deal for us to go and leave her. There just wasn’t anywhere that was more important than being with her. There wasn’t anywhere I WANTED to be than with her, honestly. I truly and honestly wasn’t happier than when I was with her – ever. Even when it was as bad as it could be.
Katie was a snuggler; most people know that. But she also liked to be carried. She didn’t whine about it or insist upon it. But she liked it when I carried her out of the car seat into the store. She liked it when I would sit down on the top step of our home and give her “rides” down to the main level. It’s only 6 or 7 steps or so…but she’d toss her long and pretty arms around my neck and I’d carry her down. I knew she was getting too big for it – she was so tall. Her feet would bang at my knees, but I still did it.
Last night, I watched Long Island Medium (no judgement here, please. I believe what I believe.) A set of parents had lost their son to brain cancer and Theresa asked them “did you feel like you just couldn’t get enough of your son? Did you feel like you HAD to be with him…to soak up every moment?” When the parents emphatically nodded yes, Theresa replied with “your souls knew his would only be here for a short time. And your souls knew what a precious gift that time would be.” I just gasped. And then I just cried.
Katie I would’ve given you rides down the stairs forever. I would’ve carried you anywhere. I’d give anything to be able to race home to you tonight…to skip a big dinner date for Daddy’s birthday to go to YOUR favorite restaurant instead for the 90,000th time.
Maybe my soul just knew yours would be here for a short time. I hope we soaked it all up. I hope you felt the way I did…that you are my EVERYTHING and there is no one in the world I’d rather be with than you.