I’ve been trying to blog this today but our website isn’t cooperating. Many have asked for us to share our letter to Kate and I am honored that so many have requested to re-read it. It was written about an hour after we got home from the hospital after Kate passed. I climbed into her bed and let the words and tears flow thinking about what I would say to her if I had one more chance.
Thank you is totally inadequate to say to thank our amazing krew for supporting us. Today and always.
Our dearest darling, Kate.
Did you know how much we love you? How many times a day did we tell you while we kissed your head? If you knew…even half as much as we hoped you would, then we did our job as you mommy and daddy. You knew, didn’t you love bug? You knew we were trying to make you better – hoping to get you to feel well again? We did everything we could. The doctors and nurses who loved you worked tirelessly to help you. It was just too much.
We always wanted to be your mommy and daddy, you know. We dreamed of who you would become, what music you would like and who your first crush would be. I was secretly excited to find out who your favorite first boy band would be so that I could pretend to buy their music…”for you.” We wondered how you would like school. Would you be athletic or studious? Where might you go to college and what would you study? This nightmare of never knowing who you will grow up to be will haunt us for the rest of our lives. Forever 4, they say.
Since 4 is the forever we were given, I’d say it was a mighty fine 4. And without even knowing it, we spent the last four months building one heck of a lifetime together. We made up for lost time then, didn’t we baby girl? Adventures, plans, trips, traditions…we wanted to show you the life we knew you were destined to live. We just didn’t know the beginning was also to be the end.
KitKat, we promise that your life will be remembered for the cheerful, bubbly way you lived and that your beautiful spirit will be with us forever. We will travel with you. Take you with us on the adventures we promised. We will live the life FOR you that we WANTED for you. And together with Kate’s Krew, we will not let your passing be in vain. We will FIND A WAY to help other children and families in our community in your beautiful name. Together, we will make a difference.
Your daddy & I love you beyond the moon and all the stars. Four zillion, thirty billion and eighty seven thousand as you would say. God only knows how we will get along without your sweet face, adorable voice and cheeky grin. When you see him, ask if he has any pointers on that. Then come by and share them with us. Maybe through a pretty snowfall out back this winter, a breezy day “hammocking” this spring, in the smell of the honeysuckle you loved in our back yard this summer…or as a beautiful fox in our front yard. Come visit baby. We know you can’t stay. Just promise you’ll come.
Kate, you are our greatest adventure. Our very best friend. Our one true love and our whole heart. If we do nothing worthy for the remainder of our days, we will die in complete and total peace knowing that YOU were our life.
Now there are no tubies, no pain. No fear, no hospitals, no machines and no more of what made you feel so sick for half of your life. Now, may you run free on strong and fast legs, read until your hearts’ content with perfect eyes and delight in all things purely four.
You were perfectly, purely four. Our cups runneth over