The Last Day of Treatment…That Wasn’t

One year ago today was the best day of my life. A re-birth of my precious daughter.

This little girl, one week of school under her belt, dressed up in a gold outfit & special hair bow. The day was a normal Monday for us as Mondays were clinic days. Only, one year ago today, it wasn’t normal at all. It was her very last chemo…a shot of methotrexate, sunk deep into the sweet little thigh she helped her nurse pick out. She chose a Rafael TMNT band aid for her leg instead of the princess one and one to match her outfit for her arm.

Mommy, Daddy and Grandma were all in attendance and she was overwhelmed so she cried more from that than any pain she experienced. She was emotional when we tried to celebrate at the clinic but when we got home, she was all smiles. So proud. She was done. She finished. She won.

I’m trying very, very hard (very hard) not to be bitter today. Not to be angry that it didn’t work. Not to feel slighted that so many of my friends have and will celebrate this same milestone with their child and go on to live normal, cancer-free lives. They deserve that, believe me. But why didn’t we? Why didn’t it work for Kate?

One year ago today was the happiest I have ever been. My sweet little girl, I love you so very much. I love you even more today than I did this day a year ago. I am so sorry it didn’t stay gone.

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